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Dear Clif Bar

From yours truly, Risa J Sibbitt.

storm

Dear Clif Bar,

How come you haven´t sponsored me yet? What do I have to do to earn your love? How far must I travel, living off of saltine crackers and cheese, to prove that you and I, WE, can have a mutualistic relationship. In can be quite simple.

Had you realized when I left that the great U.S. of A., if you had supplied me with an unlimited amount of clif bars for my trip, you´d have addicts all over the world for life, which means ´cha ching´ for you. 8IMG_6656.jpg

IMG_6567.jpg Take Pablo, Hugo and Maria Luisa for example. An amazing family in Coyaique that took me in and fed me bean soups, meats, pastas and cheese. Maria Luisa was my mother from another mother... IMG_6573.jpg you know what I mean. And could I repay the generosity and kindness of this family with your packed full of energy in every bite clif bars? NO! I had to make pancakes, and cookies. For shame Clif Bar, for shame. IMG_6553.jpg

Or take Sandro for example. A forest ranger in Cerro Castillo Natrional Park. He took me in and I lived in his attic after walking for 3 days, summiting unexpected glaciers. He let me dry my feet, warm my clothes, and even took me on a hike to his favorite spot, unknown to tourists. I got to view the glaciers that I had just passed through. And could I repay him with an oh so goodness chocolate peanut butter Builder Bar. No Clif Bar, I couldn´t, because I just don´t have enough right now.IMG_6664.jpg IMG_6681.jpg

You see Clif Bar, I have been riding my bike for 4.5 months now, and my friend brought me a stash about a month ago. I have to ration them out, for when I am feeling meek and slender, malnourished and feeble.

IMG_6602.jpg IMG_6609.jpg Did I get to eat one while summitting a pass during a wind storm, with 15mph winds being thrown around against the rocks, having to hold on for dear life. No clif bar, I didn´t. IMG_6617.jpg IMG_6739.jpg IMG_6625.jpg Or how about day 2 as I cowered against a rock, waiting for the hail storm to let up, as rain pelted me in the face every time I stuck my head out from the rock... pain like a bitchslap off a barstool for talking to the wrong man. I had to eat an apple Clif bar, an APPLE! IMG_6638.jpg Did I have a clif bar to warm my belly as I shivered and danced to keep warm, waiting to summit? No clif bar, I had to make a fire at noon. Noon Clif Bar! IMG_6645.jpg

Or did I have a clif bar to give to Paco? Maybe if I did, he wouldn´t only eat meat and bread. Maybe he would broaden his horizons, his taste buds, his life. But if I had a clif bar, maybe I wouldn´t have drunken from his faucet to soothe my hunger pains, only to be told half way through my glass that the water was bad. Maybe I wouldn´t be at risk for acquiring a parasite now, and maybe I wouldn´t be naming that parasite Paco! If only I had a clif bar. 90_IMG_6593.jpg

I could have handed one out to each protestor in Cerro Castillo. Maybe they wouldn´t want more houses for their children if only they had a clif bar. IMG_6709.jpg

Clif Bar, I save you for those key moments in time when I have truly accomplished something. Biking up massive peaks for hours, climbing glacier passes, saving dying babies. If only you gave me an unlimited amount of chocolate or peanut butter-chocolate Builder Bars, or the blueberry clif bars, then I could share those with others and broaden the sweet scrumptuous taste worldwide. The choice is yours. risa_267.jpg

Oh yeah, I like the Luna lemon zest and chai tea also.

Risa J Sibbitt

P.S., and clif bar, my spork broke. Now I have a spoon and a fork. Could you talk to primus for me?

Posted by risajs 12:26 Archived in Chile Tagged cerro castillo

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Comments

Had I known of this addiction, I'd have bought some at Costco and shipped them to you. If there's any way to hook up with J on his way through,should I give him a box to take to you?

by glenn schiffman

Pants wettingly funny.

by J Napoli

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